11. Name three absolutely awful film adaptations of books.
Now what did I say about film adaptations being contentious?! So today I get to rant which is one of my favourite things ever. Score.
1. (And 2,3,4,5,6,7,8) Harry Potter and the… (books by JK Rowling, films (2001-11) by Chris Columbus, Alfonso Cuarón, Mike Newell and David Yates). Alright I liked the sets and the costumes but as for the rest?! The kids couldn’t act for toffee, the stories were torn to shreds, the effects were dire and what’s worse is that there were EIGHT of them and I paid to watch every single one.
2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (book by Roald Dahl, film (2005) by Tim Burton). Having adored the 1971 film and been a huge fan of almost everything Burton and Johnny Depp have produced up to this point I was beyond excited about this film. And then I went to see it. Depp’s Wonka was undeniably creepy but in a much more perverted way than the Wonka produced by Gene Wilder. the warmth and joy were sucked out of this film with its grey atmosphere and miserable soundtrack which both gave it a menacing feel. And as for the ending! That namby-pamby, sickeningly sentimental, isn’t-family-a-wonderful-thing ending that makes you just want to eat your own head!
3. Memoirs of A Geisha (book by Arthur Golden, film (2005) by Rob Marshall) . This film is here for one reason and one reason only: the hair. The book makes a large feature of how a geisha’s hairstyle is so elaborate that once it has been arranged it must be kept as it is for days or weeks at a time without washing, combing or being slept on. They even cover this in the film – Sayuri must sleep with her head on a wooden pillow above a tray of rice to train her in how not to ruin her hairstyle. However the good people at Hollywood couldn’t resist having their beautiful Japanese (although actually most of them were Chinese) actresses performing elegant dances with their long hair swirling about them. This one huge discrepancy was enough to ruin the whole film for me and is what has put it on this list.
Rant over. That was fun.